My parent insists on living alone and doesn't want to be checked on. What can I do?

Why no is often about control

• Help can feel like the first step toward losing her home.
• Being checked on can feel like being treated as a child.
• She may fear what you will decide if something goes wrong.

This is true for mothers and fathers alike. When an elderly parent refuses help, ask what worries her about it, and listen more than you talk.

Start with the smallest ask

Don't open with cameras or moving. Try one of these:

• "Can you text me good morning?"
• "Can the neighbor have a key?"
• "Can we write down your medicines, in case a paramedic needs them?"
• "Would you tap one button each morning, so I can stop calling so much?"

A check-in can be an easier yes than a daily call, because it takes one second of her day.

Let her set the terms

With Hammock365, the tap is hers to give. If she sets up the account herself, she picks the check-in time, anywhere from 6 AM to 8 PM, and decides who gets her family code: family, a friend, a neighbor. There is no map and no location tracking.

The check-in, the missed check-in text and her emergency card are free forever. She can use an iPhone, an Android phone or a web browser.

If she says she doesn't need a check-in app

Respect it, and keep the door open. Ask again after something changes, like a fall or a hospital stay.

Meanwhile, do what you can on your side. Get to know a neighbor. Save her local police non-emergency number. Keep a list of her medicines and doctors. She might say yes to a free daily call program from her sheriff or Area Agency on Aging instead.

When it's no longer only her call

Things change if she can no longer make safe decisions because of memory loss or confusion, or if she is being neglected or taken advantage of. Talk with her doctor. Adult Protective Services serves older adults facing abuse, neglect, self-neglect or financial exploitation. For questions about guardianship or power of attorney, talk with an elder law attorney.

The honest limit

A check-in works only if she agrees and taps. It will not make her safe if she cannot make safe choices. Hammock365 is not a medical alert, a location tracker or an emergency service, and it never calls anyone or 911. In an emergency, call 911.